pump. you up!

I'm sorry, but I thought we had an agreement regarding bike accessories. Is the bike pump in the stairwell yours? If so, could you please put it into your storage area or your unit? It is really not necessary to leave the pump in the common areas. It is not heavy and can be easily carried.
Thanks,

Dear Neighbors

The residents at 1913 are going to have their decks stained and are planning to use a reddish tint that will work with the color of the brick.  Anyone have any comments or suggestions? 

dear neighbors...

I just wanted to let you know that someone was kind enough to gift us a slightly-used styrofoam cup, suitable for both hot and cold beverages.  Ordinarily, I apply the rule of first dibs when I come upon such an amazing treasure, but I wanted to make sure no one else wanted it before I retrieve it from the courtyard.  I think this visitor (perhaps someone looking at one of the units?) was so grateful for having had the pleasure of enjoying our lovely courtyard, that he felt compelled to leave us a token of his appreciation--a parting gift, if you will.   And not only did this person leave something for all of us to enjoy, but he had the ingenuous idea of using the lattice covering the HVAC units as a handy cup holder.  Again, I realize that I probably am entitled to this find, especially since it was left directly in the view of my living room window, but as I said I am trying to be fair.

RATS!

Dear Neighbors,
 
There is a growing pile of smelly garbage bags in the bins in the basement.  As a reminder, there is no one who takes the garbage out to the street.  Each resident is responsible for making sure that his or her garbage gets set out on trash pick up day (Sunday night/Monday morning).  The bins in the basement are only meant as a very temporary storage place until trash pick up and garbage should not be left down there longer than a couple of days.  If we regularly have several bags of garbage down in the basement, it is likely that our house will become infested with mice, roaches and (gulp) rats.  If you've ever had the experience of living in a house infested with rats, then you know it is an experience to avoid.  Have a mice or roach problem is a real picnic compared to a rat problem.  Rats are nocturnal but not particularly afraid of people.  They sleep in the walls during the day and creep into your living space at night.  If you happen to come upon a rat in your house, it is often unwilling to run away, despite your screaming and shoe banging.  They multiply like crazy and often grow to be as long as 14 inches (not including the tail). The only way to rid your home of rats is to put poison in the walls, which they eat and then die.  Then you have to live with the smell of decaying rat for several months.  
 
So please, don't leave garbage down in the basement for longer than one or two days.  If you miss the garbage pick up on Monday morning, the garbage is picked up at 20th and Green on Wednesday morning. So in a pinch, you can take your garbage up to 20th and Green Tuesday night.  So if the owner of the garbage in the basement could set it out Tuesday night at 20th and Green, that would be great. Otherwise please do not forget to set it out at the curb Sunday night. 
 
Thanks.

Hello Neighbors,
> 
> I'm sure by now we've all realized that our building is poorly insulated from sound; on behalf of all us, keeping the music volumes to a moderate level, especially during after hours, would be greatly appreciated.
> 
> Thank you,

Dear Neighbors, 
 
Over the past year I have been asked to handle various matters related to individual units.  I don't mind helping out on occasion, but I would like to remind everyone that I am not a superintendant, administrative assistant, or a janitor.  My job as president is to delegate responsibilities and coordinate meetings to address issues of concern.  I would therefore ask that you not give my phone number or contact info. to any realtors, insurance agents, lenders, repairmen, meter-readers, or any other third parties that are dealing with issues related solely to your unit.  If any of these people need documentation from the Homeowner's Assocation, then feel free to ask me for it and to arrange to pick it up from me, but please do not ask me to deal directly with them.  And if you need someone to let someone into your unit or the house, then please send a group email to 1911 residents asking for a volunteer.  We are saving ourselves the expense of hiring a management company, but doing so requires that we all share in the responsibility for the management of this house and our own individual units. 
 
Thanks

POOP!

I decided to use my day off today to haul some things into the storage area in the basement.  I discovered, to my horror, an enormous pile of human feces adjacent to my things.  Yes, someone took a giant shit in the basement, and apparently that person had had an attack of diarrhea.  I have spent the last hour cleaning it up.  I do not believe that I will ever be the same again.  I had to stop several times and go outside for fresh air to prevent myself from vomiting.  
 
PLEASE PLEASE keep the door to the courtyard locked at all times and of course, the front door too. If you go into the courtyard, please remember to lock the door when you come back into the house.  Please also advise any guests to lock the courtyard door if they go into the courtyard. Madeleine in 1913 has noticed that the courtyard gate was open one day after someone had been rummaging around the courtyard in the middle of the night (Seamus was going ballistic) and we think that there is a homeless person trying to get into the houses.  
 
Also, if you have any repairmen or workmen in your unit, please SEE THEM OUT of the house.  And if any repairman or workmen need access to the basement, PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE IN THE BASEMENT.  
 
I can't believe that anyone would suffer from such an utter lack of human decency as to defecate in the home of another, but my experience today is proof of that fact.